A post to commemorate Women's Day 2021.
First of all, bitch shut up. Shut your damn mouth and mind your own car and property or life. I don't care that I am about to reverse into a pole, the only life I am endangering is mine so what's it to you if I hit the pole. Leave me alone to perfect my own parallel parking technic. Leave me to check to the rearview mirror myself and break my own neck if I have to while reversing. Sir, I know how to turn a steering wheel and your instructional outside my passenger window is not helping in any sort of way. Sir, if you minded your kids the way you are minding me right now the world would be a better place.
We have all had some experience of mansplaining; men explaining things like they are God's version of the "For Dummies" books, the knowers of all knowledge whose responsibility it is to pass it on to the lesser fortunate small-minded women. Gag. Eyeroll.
My current gripe is with the men who mansplain driving to me, while I am driving. I drive an old car, like older than you old so it doesn't have these modern assist functions or easy touch. It needs force; with the paddles, changing gearings, turning the steering wheel. This, for me, means if I am navigating what I perceive as a tight corner or parking space or a general tight squeeze in some random alleyway after getting lost; I will take 5 minutes longer than you would. Men understand these extra 5 minutes as an invitation to teach me how to drive even though I have had a license for 5 years; which I did not bribe anyone for. I already have enough to be anxious about as a woman in South Africa without also worrying about the strange man looming at my window shouting "Turna turna jikisa isteering, isteering salemoto si tight kuncono usiturna ube umuva". Sir, go start a business so you have something to mind. Like if you would just get off my dick I would manoeuvre myself out of here and be on my way.
Maybe you are questioning my reality and thinking to yourself; "No babes maybe you are just a bad driver and these people just feel sorry for you and want to help. It's just a coincidence that they all happen to be men." My response would be laughter because I have said the same thing to myself numerous times. But the answer is no. I am not a bad driver, certainly not any worse than any other driving person. Men have just been conditioned to think they are better and women have been conditioned to think men are better, and because they are better they must be right. These guys feed their egos by "helping" this "helpless" young woman because that's the narrative right, that men need to feel needed even when they are not because their self-value is derived from solving problems. Solving my own problems also turns me on, so leave me to be turned on while manoeuvring an illegal U-turn.
So anyway how do you deal with a mansplaining man:
As soon as he opens his mouth to speak, just say "Sorry, bhuti ngi right". He will ask you something along the lines of are you sure (again undermining your general competence as an adult woman) and you just repeat "Sorry, bhuti ngi right" until he walks away because you are sure and you want to be left alone. This phrase should be a part of the general vocabulary of every black woman in South Africa. And don't smile while saying it because you don't owe him politeness, you are already being polite enough by not saying "Bitch up" to his face.
Put a middle finger up...but only once he has turned his back or you are out of view because I am not trying to get you killed.
Carry on with your day.
Also, I don't have a problem asking for help when I am in a real jam but not from a rando, from a car guard or security; I mean they are still random men but a false sense of safety is preferred over none.
that's cute xoxo
Oyama
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