As a an only child who grew up labelled as "weird" or "strange", I have often felt like an outsider even in my inner most circle consisting of people I truly trust. I am an overthinker who overwhelms herself and regularly has to talk herself down from some catastrophic ledge ( my mind does often hold me hostage), a worry warrior and "empath" who actually finds emotions uncomfortable except for anger because anger is not an emotion (lol).
Now of course self-soothing is a biological behavioural technique that is not limited to weird children without siblings (although I do actually technically have a sibling but that's to be explored in another blog post); this is just must experience and perspective as someone who has often felt uncomfortable to safely voice their emotional state or confusion.
All of that is to say I have some experience experimenting with ways to regulate my emotional state, all of them legal ke futhi, and maybe you might be interested in trying some out.
If you are feeling sad, there is the obvious of moving your body, we know about serotonin and endorphins. And moving your body doesn't have to be serious. Just lock yourself in a room, play your favourite song (the one that triggers happy memories) and twerk for 10 seconds. Or you could imagine me doing that, if you know me IRL then you know I am rhythmically challenged so such an image should for sure make you smile at least.
Reminiscing, I find, is a great way to soothe anger. Not to be confused with ruminating which would probably elevate your already heightened emotions. I like to revisit childhood memories, like the time I killed a fly between my toddler hands and was so proud of myself. Or the time I chased by a mad man carrying a sjambok, and I was a chubby short child so there wasn't much distance between us. You know weird stuff, they bring things into perspective.
I often suffer from sensory overload when interacting with people for "prolonged" periods (interacting doesn't necessarily mean talking to them) especially people I am unfamiliar because I also happen to have a problem with non-verbal social cues and such, and of course overthinking. When I feel this overload I like sitting in dark room in silence or if that is not possible then just picking a spot in your line of sight and staring at it. If a person happens to be standing in your chosen spot, never mind that it is your spot they must move but you will not move your body, or eyes, or face because your brain has switched off thus leaving you a shell of a human.
In soothing ourselves, it is not in effort to bottle up or ignore unpleasant emotions. We are trying to calm down from a heightened emotional state where it feels like this unpleasant emotion overwhelms and engulfs everything else, where it becomes the prism through which we look at everything other thing. Self-soothing brings things back into perspective, reminding us that emotions no matter how unpleasant are temporary.
Self-soothing is not limited to "negative" emotions, sometimes I do get so excited that I start behaving in ways that unlike me. I haven't yet figured out how to address this.
In order to master the art of self-soothing, one needs to master the art of self-awareness. You cannot soothe what you are not aware of. You need to know what are your "normal" and "abnormal" feelings and the degrees to which you are willing to experience these emotions before needing to calm the f*ck down. And some soothing techniques may not work on you and you will need to be present and aware in order to recognise that.
Cheers to emotional health
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