Advocating for yourself
Saying no is such an life skill and it is so odd that we have to learn it, that it is not ingrained in our daily vocabulary. But if you are anything like me then you grew up in a home where children were born but were supposed to not be seen or heard; children had no boundaries and their discomfort was a sign of a lack of manners and terrible grooming. So you grew up ignoring your discomfort, saying yes when you really did not want to, being polite to people who made you feel reeeeaalllly unsafe all in the name of being raised well. With the awakening and healing revolution in recent years we have learnt that we are important, our comfort is important and our boundaries how ever peculiar or countercultural they may seem are important; and we are not obligated to explain them.
In my own journey of learning to say no, I have learnt to pick my battles. My family will tell you that I can out-talk a politician but there are certain things that are just not worth it otherwise you will never have peace. For example I don't like hugs (unless I have genuine affection for the person I am hugging) but a lot people, in social interactions, hug as a greeting and these are people who I will hardly interact with regularly so is it worth the energy to explain I don't want to hug you and why. No matter how kindly I were to phrase it, chances are it will be taken the wrong way and the level of discomfort is so miniscule and momentary it just does not feel worth it. But of course that's not say that can be a strong boundary for you if you're willing to enforce it.
That's the important things isn't it; if you say no say it with your whole chest, if you set a boundary be willing to enforce it. People will always take chances just in case they get the outcome they desire that benefits them, even if it disadvantages you. Enforcing a boundary can look like many things. You can draw the proverbial line in the sand, which if crossed would mean no longer interacting with that individual; whether permanently or temporarily until they apologise through a permanent change in behaviour. Okay, I don't know any other way because I am pro disengaging people who don't treat you how you want to be treated. Bear in mind that disengaging, however you decide to do it, is not easy especially with people you have had a long standing relationship with, especially when you would otherwise have loved to continue interacting with that person.
The reality is the people you have affection for you and you have affection for will, at the very least attempt to, observe and respect your no's. But communication will be important. We are human and we are different, from different generations. Hence, with some people you will have to sit down and have long conversations about your importance, your comfort, your boundaries. These conversations can be hard, which is why I suggest picking your battles; you don't want to be balling your eyes out to a stranger. People who care about you will listen and act accordingly.
I think this is a relevant topic as we head into the festive season and we meet up with family members who overstep and don't recognise that we are individuals, living and pursuing things that are different from them; which is natural and okay...well, unless those pursuits are perverse.
Cheers to being self important.
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